Not Mizuki
by HopefullyAnAuthor
Summary: Oneshot. Sano has a secret love for one of his closest friends, and tries to distract himself by going out training until late at night. (Clue's in the title folks, this isn't the standard pairing, even though I love those two together.) It ain't long, so no particular preference between manga and drama, but I wrote it with the manga in mind. Have fun!


Sano Izumi, the record breaking high-jumper, was feeling more alone than he ever had in his life. He was running round the school track for the tenth time at least. Usually cross-country helped him relieve stress, (Sano thought it was something to do with his feet constantly hitting the ground), but _usually_ wasn't today. _Usually_ was Mizuki creating another awkward moment in their shared dorm, or accidentally showing him her feminine side. _Usually_ was what he could cope with.

Nakatsu's confession about Mizuki had hit him hard. Sano had thought almost for certain that Mizuki's affections lay with _him_, but doubt had started to prick holes in that belief. It made him uneasy.

Ever since a few months ago, when Nakatsu told him that he'd fight him for Mizuki, he'd felt determined to win. His high jump had improved immensely, his training schedule had tightened and toughened to the point that he was completely exhausted every evening. But somehow, he was still losing sleep and he didn't know why.

_What if she says yes?_

The thought jumped out at him from behind a pile of memories, and Sano stopped running, in shock. What if she did say yes to Nakatsu? He could picture it in his mind.

_Mizuki making an excuse to 'walk Yuujirou'. Mizuki slipping a note under the next dorm's door. Mizuki walking outside to a bench and sitting down. Nakatsu arriving, and talking to her very carefully. Nakatsu sitting beside her. Mizuki turning away, telling him her secret. Nakatsu turning her back to face him, his face accepting and warm. Mizuki leaning towards him, eyes closed..._

The pain in his head was unbearable. Sano stumbled over to the centre of the sports field, clutching at his temples, trying to stay in control. He slumped down in a heap and took deep breaths. Why was this happening? It made no sense. Every time he even brushed past the thought of them together...

Sano punched the ground, gritting his teeth and concentrated on something, anything else. He didn't know what was going on.

'Except I do, don't I?' The words were being spat out of his mouth at the ground between his knees, blunt and searing hot. 'I... I... I love...'

But he couldn't finish his sentence. He could never finish that sentence, not in a million years.

So instead the thought of more pictures. Pictures of his favourite person, his best friend. Pictures from when they met for the first time. Pictures of laughter and friendship. Pictures of those beautiful eyes. Pictures of when their hands touched by mistake. Pictures of when they came nose to nose, as they frequently did. Pictures of lips, and changing rooms, and t-shirts being taken off and messy hair and _you know what all these pictures have in common._

Sano almost screamed aloud in frustration and anxiety at the accusing voice of his subconscious in his head. He couldn't think another thing about it. About anything to do with it.

But how do you turn your own mind off? He refused to believe in the thing that was keeping him alive. The person who had unknowingly tied him in knots and confused him to the point of no return.

His hands were shaking. It was the middle of the night, on the school playing field and Sano Izumi was in love and scared to death about it.

I was worried about Sano. He'd been out for far too long after dark, probably training, but dammit if he was going to make this a habit. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I sprinted over to the sports ground, and I was panting, despite being one of the best sprinters in the school. If that idiot had gone and got hurt, I'd kill him.

For such a level-headed guy, Sano could be so spaced out sometimes that it was hard to keep track of him. I know he would've said that I was crazy all the time, no help to him either, but at least I'm consistent. The guy's about as unpredictable as a comet.

A shooting star.

I ran my hands through my hair and jumped over the sports ground fence. I could see him now, sitting in the middle of the pitch. Was he injured or asleep or what?

I stopped after realising what I could hear as well as witness. Oh God, was Sano crying?!

He could hear footsteps, but resolved not to turn around to meet Mizuki. Because that's who it would be. And he couldn't face her right now, not in a ridiculous flood of tears. She'd be disappointed in him, the last thing he needed. Instead he needed... He wanted...

A hand gently patted his back. Sano turned to tell Mizuki to leave, that he was fine, that he was just tired. But the excuses died in his mouth.

It was Nakatsu. Sano wasn't sure if this was better or worse. He wiped his eyes and became very silent, but the salty emotions kept on coming without a sound.

'I'm here if you want to talk,' said the boy after an awkward pause. But Sano already knew that. It was just what he wanted to do. For once, just spill out all the thoughts and feelings he'd kept crumpled up and locked away.

'What if you were in... in love with someone?' he began quietly, 'And they didn't know, but you thought that they were loved someone else and you thought it would hurt them if they knew ...so you were forced to keep it a secret and not...'

_Not tell them,_ he finished mentally. _Not look at them without giving it away. Not hold or kiss them or more than that. _Sano stared at the ground, and then closed his eyes because there was nothing there to look at. Did Nakatsu understand?

'You... you do know that he's in love with you, right?' Nakatsu's voice was halting and a little confused, as though he wasn't sure whether to tell Sano the whole truth or just leave it be. 'If you love Mizuki back, then you should just-'

'**But it's not Mizuki! It never was!'** cried Sano. He sprang up to a standing position, and the tears stopped. 'Everyone seems to think that it's **Mizuki**. Even you were challenging me to a fight about it.' He sounded accusing and desperate, but he didn't care anymore. This was so close to being the best situation possible, and it had spiralled too fast into the unfairness he should have expected by now.

Nakatsu slowly got to his feet and looked at Sano very strangely.

'I thought that it _was_ Mizuki. That's why I challenged you, to push your buttons. That's it. I thought you knew that, you idiot.'

Even though the words were rough, Nakatsu spoke them softly and gently. He stepped towards Sano very calmly until they were an inch from each other. They could feel cold, night-coloured breath on each other's faces.

'Who is it you're really in love with then?' he asked, narrowing his eyes and smiling playfully.

Sano looked up into the dark eyes that he favoured above all others. He looked at Nakatsu's strong jaw-line, his cheekbones, his straight nose, his arching brows. He drank them all in.

'I love you.'

'Call me by my name.'

'Nakatsu,' Sano said quietly, then realised that he wanted to keep on saying those three syllables over and over. 'Nakatsu. Nakatsu. Nakatsu.' He was pressing himself against him now, hands in his hair, gently repeating the word whilst nuzzling into Nakatsu's neck, whispering it into his ear.

'Sano.' It seemed that the favour was being returned. But the owner of the name couldn't wait any longer. This was too much.

He kissed Nakatsu. So sweetly, so reverently. Like he'd wanted to for too long. Like he never thought he would. Their tongues touched. Nakatsu pulled away and said simply, 'I love you, Sano.'

That was when the dream always ended, and when Sano woke up crying, feeling sadder than ever. But this wasn't a dream any more.


End file.
